Registered Complaint

Registered Complaint

Registering for wedding gifts is like voting in a national election — the easier the task becomes, the more human errors seem to occur.

It doesn't get simpler than walking around a retail store with a Star Trek phaser, zapping bar codes like they were mallards in Nintendo's "Duck Hunt." But what have we traded for this user-friendly interface? In many cases, common sense; in others, our complete sanity.

So if you see the following on a gift registry for a wedding you plan to attend, do yourself and the happy couple a favor by proceeding with the knowledge that these selections were made during a fit of nuptial euphoria and with little regard for reality:

* Espresso Makers — There's one reason most cities have a 1-to-1 ratio of people to coffee shops, and it's that these java emporiums reduce a time-consuming process into a few faux-Italian phrases and a three-minute wait. And there's one reason espresso makers exist, which is to eventually break down in a steaming heap of fashionable metal.

* An NFL Replica Jersey — This was zapped when the bride was distracted. Please disregard immediately.

* Ultra-Specific Kitchen Gadgets — Stores that carry cooking gadgets and accessories now offer an array of devices that serve specific tasks. That doesn't mean the newlyweds need a $10 silicone salad bowl scrapper or a $12 hand-held mango pitter. Because no one does.

* 14K Gold 7mm Fresh Water Pearl and Diamond Earring Set with Matching Necklace — This was zapped when the groom was distracted. Please disregard immediately.